I Lost My Heart Back There

Last week I started the Loved Bible Project, and it has already hit me hard. Basically, for the project, you get a 4 inch by 6 inch Bible, and you highlight verses of strength and encouragement. You can journal in it, write notes on sticky notes, or even doodle. It is up to you, but eventually, the goal is to hand off the Bible to another woman who needs a Bible. I have no idea when that will be or who will receive it, but her Bible will definitely be well-loved, and she is already being drowned in prayers. If you want to read more about the project, go to lovedbibleproject.com

As soon as I had read up on the project, I got on Amazon to start looking for a Bible that would work. For the life of me, I could not find a Bible I thought would work. The ones I found were either the wrong size, the cover was not beautiful, or Jesus’s words were not written in red (I like to know when it is Jesus talking, and not someone as lost as you or me). Honestly, I was getting frustrated. If I was unable to find it online with an unlimited selection, would I be able to find it in a store with a limited selection?

I did not expect to find anything, but I still decided to look in our Bible cabinet anyway. In our Bible cabinet, we have our old Bibles like Emilee’s first New Testament, the Bible I took to Vacation Bible School in elementary school, my parents’ two-version Bibles (the message translation on one side and NIV on the other). Basically, any Bible we are not currently using lives in that cabinet. I opened the cabinet, and I immediately found it, a Bible I had completely forgotten about. I had used this Bible for maybe a month before I received a new Bible as a gift that I then used for years. I have used two Bibles since that Bible that is about to become so loved. The unused Bible was the perfect size, it had a beautiful cover, and Jesus’s words flooded the Gospels in red. I fully believe God provided for my obedience to be carried to completion. I took that Bible to work with me that day and began the project.

The verses I have been focusing on to encourage my receiver have had some common themes such as what God thinks about us as His creations and the power we have because we have the strength of God in us. It was when I read 1 John‬ ‭5:4-5 that I realized my head and my heart knowledge had not been matching up for quite some time.

for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

In my head, I believe that God gives me the strength to do all things through Him (Philippians 4:13). I have no reason not to, I have seen miracles happen, and I have seen believers do BIG things. I have heard their stories and believe that they are true. Yet, I do not really believe it. Before I make decisions, I typically deliberate way too long and then talk myself out of it, because I fail to trust God will faithfully meet me on the other side of my decisions. I do not believe that I have the power to overcome my trials or that I have victory over this world, because I do not trust my God. My heart is never sure.

In these honest moments of sitting with this 4 by 6 Bible on my lap, I decided to be completely honest with myself. I also do not truly believe God is crazy about me. I mean how could He love someone who He has to constantly give grace? How could He be head over heels for a girl that continually runs back to her brokenness, throwing pity parties for the world to attend?

Yet, if He did not love me so much, He would not give me any grace at all. He would not pursue me every time I come to the very end of myself.

I think one of the best things to do when you are having a head-heart disconnect is to recognize it and fill your heart with even more of God’s Truth. We must sit long enough to soak it up. Satan will make us more and more busy the more we need to rest in Christ.  Jesus is worth my every second. I must give Him at least a few quiet moments each day.

I plead guilty to reading the Bible passively. No matter how many times I read through the entire Bible, it is worthless until I read it like it is the LIVING WORD OF CREATOR GOD! It was written to change me, and I must actively read it like that. Joy comes with that choice.


Help us see You for who You truly are. Give us the strength to follow You well. Remind us in mundane ways of how in love with us You are. Jesus, we want to encounter You in every place we go. Do not let us passively read Your word. Never let us open the Bible without receiving a piece of Your Truth. We long to be in Your presence. It is better than anything in this world! Thank you for giving Your life for ours. We will never be the same.



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